Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
