I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
