I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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