i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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