Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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