they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize