glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
