Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize