so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
