If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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