You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
