I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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