Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
