By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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