I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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