it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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