I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wear drunk well.
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