Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
