I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
