He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm both gender and math confused
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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