Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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