we made out on top of his cat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
