A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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