btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
