Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
