Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
