From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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