i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
