then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
