hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
