I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize