i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
