Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
