Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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