and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
