Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
