Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
