so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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