Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
