Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
