Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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