I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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