Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize