he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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