i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
did you just send me my own nude
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
