im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
