omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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