how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
