They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
