He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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