i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
