Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
