hotel room ftw
Having a random hookup so left but love u
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
