Pappa wants mamma naked
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
