Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
