Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
