wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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