SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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