You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
