Quick, to the slutcave!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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