i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
