Where is the hickey?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
