trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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