that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
