I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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