Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
